Torn Between

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Sometimes…I never know what to expect with my wild hair 2 year old son. One minute he is clinging to my hips and the next he is flying off wanting to explore the world on his own. One minute he is sitting in my lap with his finger in his mouth and the next he is galavanting through the halls laughing as if there is not a care in the world…until he wants mom again. He wants both – security and freedom, comfort and adventure. It is as if he is torn between being one and being another.

Sometimes…I never know what to expect with my princess dress wearing 3 year old daughter. One minute she is begging (or crying) to sit in moms lap at dinner and the next minute she is getting everyone napkins and setting the table as if she is a 12 year old. One minute she is hiding behind my legs not ready to say hello to friends and the next she is walking, shoulders held high, ready to make new ones. She wants both – security and freedom, comfort and adventure. It is as if she is torn between being one and being another.

Sometimes…I never know what to expect with my wild hair and (definitely not) princess dress wearing 29 year old self. One minute I am clinging to and begging for normalcy and the next I am flying off the table with ideas that will bend and stretch me. One minute I am sitting and hiding behind my own comforts and the next I am galavanting (perhaps not that strong of a word) with shoulders held high confident and hopeful. I want both – security and freedom, comfort and adventure. It is as if I am torn between being one and being another.

But what if our security and our comforts are found in our freedom and in our adventure? I believe, wholeheartedly, that this fight between one and the other can really be one altogether.

My wild hair son and my princess dress wearing daughter can be FREE to galavant through the home or set the table, because they are confident that if they fall or if they mess up, I will be there to comfort them. They can meet new friends and run in the playground with assurance that I am there, even if from afar.

Perhaps I can even dare to dream big ideas that will bend and stretch me, that will take me from my “comforts” – for if I get tired or if I fail there is grace unending. I do not need to feel as if I am torn between being one and being another, I can be both. I can be free to venture to new heights, certain that if I fall or if I mess up my security is secure. Always.

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