pride, chaos, life, & Jesus

From introducing Elli to cousins, the swimming pool, spending a long and needed weekend at our family’s river house, and a fun trip to New Orleans – life has been all bits of fun for us the last 2 months.

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Elli’s first swim

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playtime with cousins

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Elli & Julia

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New Orleans Trip

Amidst all the busyness, I took a break from writing on this wordpress.com site. To be honest, I found myself questioning why I even wrote…

I like to write. I’m certainly not the most eloquent writer and I could greatly benefit from grammar lessons…and I’m not too witty…but, I do enjoy writing. It served as a creative outlet for me, and a way for me to share a bit of life with family and friends.

But, I had to take a break.

I think I enjoyed sharing my life a little too much…so much so that instead of thinking how I could best serve my husband, I would begin to think about what exciting thing I could share on our blog. Instead of waking up and wanting to spend time with the Lord, I wanted to come here and write. 

I wanted to write about how “cool” my life was…how put together I am as a wife and a mom. I wanted people to know not only could I cook elegant meals, meet my daughters needs, love my husband well, paint things for our home, etcetera and etcetera…but I could even take the time to share it with the world.

Looking back, I was being prideful in so many ways and I was seeking comfort in all the wrong places. The truth is, I don’t cook elegant meals, I don’t meet all my daughter’s needs, I don’t love my husband well, and my ability to be crafty is largely due to Pinterest.

In fact, I have been loving my husband less and less due to the fact that my time spent with the Lord was decreasing.

In June a friend from church shared a lovely blog post by a pastor here in Houston. His words were exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

Your “success” as a mom {and wife} is not measured by your capacity to keep everything in order; it’s determined by your ability to trust that even in the chaos Jesus is beautiful -and even in the mess, so are you.

This blog post is such a good read. You should check it out.

After a little bit of a hiatus from the blog world, I have found good rest and been reminded of why I write. Not only is this a creative outlet for me and a way for me to share the sweet times slash “peaks” in life, it is also a time for me to share that even in the midst of chaos and mess aka LIFE, Jesus is good, beautiful, and full of grace upon grace upon grace….

which brings us to the Felder’s “chaos” as of late.

I was hesitant to share this news with EVERYONE…but the more I thought about it the more I realized it is for my good and for the good of everyone else that I do share. So, without dragging it on much longer…

I have melanoma.

–insert chaos and mess–

Prior to a week ago I would hear the word “melanoma” and think…oh you just have to get a mole removed. No big deal. A couple days after hearing this news,  it finally hit me. Melanoma is just a fancy word for cancer. No big deal. Scratch that. It’s kind of a big deal.

PRAISE THE LORD we caught this early and my prognosis according to statistics and the doctor is so good. I go in tomorrow to have a little little surgery, will have a 5 inch battle wound on my left leg, and we are hopeful and praying that will be the end of it.

…and that is one reason I am sharing. The more prayer, the better. Of course we desire for the Lord to fully heal me, but regardless my desire amidst this “chaos” and “mess” is to be continually reminded how gracious the Lord is and how I can wake each day full of joy because I am no longer dead, but alive in Him. Praise God!

The second reason I am sharing is just to LET PEOPLE KNOW THIS CAN HAPPEN! A 25 year old who isn’t a sun worshipper can get melanoma. So, why not just be wise and not stubborn about going to the dermatologist once a year to have your skin checked out?  I can’t imagine where I would be a year from now if I kept telling myself to NOT go to the doctor.

So, friends. Please pray and if you are a stubborn person who does not enjoy going to the doctor (like myself), just go. Melanoma is not just getting a freckle removed.

We’ll keep you updated and thanks in advance for your prayers 🙂

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One thought on “pride, chaos, life, & Jesus

  1. tribalancegirl says:

    Ash, I love this post. I took a break too because I also got too excited about blogging. Rather than spending time with my wonderful husband, I was being selfish and took time to write. Rather than spending time with the Lord in the morning, I would read blogs. It is important to take a step back and realize where our priorities stand. You have it right. I think you are a loving wife, a serving woman, a wonderful mom, a great cook (I’ve tried your recipes) and you’re so creative with your work and writing! Thank you for being so open and I’m praying for you today:-)

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