on provision

6 weeks and 2 days ago my life was changed forever.

I don’t think any amount of books, advice, or experience as a “nanny” can fully prepare you for being a mother.  I had a full 9 months and 17 hours of labor to lead me up to the point of being a momma to a little, but looking back it feels like I became mom in a split second.

IMG_0533

In a split second I became in charge of a human; a tiny little girl with 10 fingers, 10 toes, an adorable face…and a sinful heart.

Not only was I instantly in charge of feeding her, clothing her, bathing her… providing for her every physical need… but I also was instantly in charge of teaching her about sin (including my own), about grace, about a loving and gracious God who through Christ can redeem us and give us new life, about a Holy Spirit who transforms hearts and lives in us…

Goodness that’s a lot to take in.

I have had months of preparing for that life changing moment 6 weeks and 2 days ago.

Months.

I am still learning.

IMG_0143

this gal is no longer a bump on my belly to look at

 While in the hospital recovering from Elli’s grand entrance into this world, I spent much of my  time thinking through this new reality. Most of my hours were spent providing for E physically by feeding her.

Ya’ll.

Those first days of feeding. They are intense. While it is such a joy to cuddle with your new baby, feeding can be exhausting, painful, and honestly, not fun.

Despite the pain and the difficulty, little gal needed to be fed.

IMG_0544

I remember after having (what felt like) countless nurses telling me I needed to feed E more, I got discouraged.

Very discouraged.

I broke down in tears and shared with Mark how helpless I felt…I couldn’t provide for our daughter! What kind of a mom was I?!

In this moment of “discouragement” Mark pointed me towards the gospel and I instantly felt encouraged.

The truth is, I can’t provide for Elli’s every need. Most importantly, her salvation is not dependent on me. What I can do, however, is hold fast to the truth that God is in control. He provides. While I do need to be obedient by teaching her about Christ and living that out daily, I certainly do not need to spend my time stressing and worrying if what I am doing is enough.

Because.

What I am doing is not enough.

But what our God can do is more than enough.

IMG_0577

Lo and behold, in regards to Elli eating “enough”…God certainly has that taken care of. At well over 12 pounds right now, our gal is healthy as can be.

Advertisements

One thought on “on provision

  1. Pingback: welcome | a peak

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s